wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
