conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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