is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
