You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
