I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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