I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
