so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
