It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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