my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
