I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
