I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
