Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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