Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
