I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
