I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
