wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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