I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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