Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
