is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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