Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
