I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
