Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
they're like a gay fantastic four
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
