i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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