man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize