just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
