i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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