Porn is love you can see.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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