She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
