Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
