Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
