yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
