i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
