I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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