mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
