It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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