He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There are leaves in my underwear?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
