it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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