You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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