I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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