i used baking grease as lip gloss
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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