I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
