I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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