Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly