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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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• (516): View more from New York

  nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

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• (516): View more from New York

  i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.

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