so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!