worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog