BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.