Yo dont text me then not text me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
