He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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