i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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