If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
