I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize