In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
