My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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