Everything about him screamed your future.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
