before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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