Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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