omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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