Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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