My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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