I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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