Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
